We believe in certain messages and assumptions we grew up with. Some have stood the test of time. Some can keep you stuck.
When you feel stuck in life, you end up being frustrated in unproductive ways that slowly decay your life if you don’t change things.
They say timing is everything. Then order, too, is everything. Sometimes the change you need to get unstuck is simple but powerful.
Here are some counterintuitive reverse orders you can consider:
- Action leads to motivation
- Choice leads to preference
- Skills lead to passion
- Doing leads to understanding
- Quantity leads to quality
Counterintuitive ideas like these are some of my favorite things to think about. I explain each of these below.
1) Action leads to motivation
I get it. It’s easy to ask things like “how do I get motivated ?” when you don’t have the motivation to start in the first place.
Starting is the hardest part, isn’t it? There’s a cost to switching between tasks—mental friction.
But like a chemical reaction, you need enough activation energy to start and get things rolling.
What you want is momentum. Just do it, and the motivation will follow. You’ll forget how painful it was to start while you’re in the flow and no longer distracted.
If you happen to find some external motivation, be sure to ride the wave and use it as activation energy.
Action: Just start.
Extra: Action also leads to emotion as well. Act as if, and you’ll feel that way.
2) Choice leads to preference
This was interesting:
We assume we choose things that we like, but research suggests that’s sometimes backward: We like things because we choose them, and we dislike things that we don’t choose
“Babies’ random choices become their preferences“
In other words, you don’t choose what you like; you like what you choose!
It’s also known that we make decisions emotionally and justify them logically.
Action: Don’t fret so much about making a suboptimal choice that you don’t choose at all (keeping you stuck in square one). Make a decision, and you’ll probably end up liking it.
Extra: “Satisficers” are less likely to regret their choice compared to “maximizers.”
3) Skills lead to passion
In So Good They Can’t Ignore You, Cal Newport opens by describing someone who was obsessed about becoming a monk, who later finds that it’s not at all what it’s cracked up to be. He argues that it is skills that lead to passion, not the other way around.
I’d agree with this. When you’re good at something, you become invested in it, and you treat it importantly.
But I’d also say preexisting passions exist. Think back to your childhood. Think about your hobbies. Are you good at some of them? Are they your hobbies because you’re good at them?
You can also have multiple passions, not just a singular purpose in life.
Action: If the “find your passion” platitude is failing you, see if you can get really good at something you enjoy first. Everyone has a unique genius. Enjoying the process also makes it sustainable.
Extra: You can become one of the best at intersections of two or more skills. James Altucher refers to this as “idea sex,” and Scott Adams calls this “talent stacking.” That’s why I prefer not to be a master of none but jack of all trades.
4) Doing leads to understanding
We tend to think that we need to wait to prepare first. For the perfect moment. On the contrary, you only gain about 10% of the understanding from theory.
- Which LASIK surgeon would you rather trust to cut open and vaporize your cornea: someone who’s read all the books on it and “knows” all about it, or someone who’s read the latest journal articles on it and has successfully done it on real people for years?
- Who should be your tour guide: a Spanish teacher who has perfect grammar from books vs. someone who lived in Spain and was forced to apply the language with real Spanish speakers?
- Who should do the emergency landing if the pilot has a heart attack: a trainee who’s memorized the manual vs. the passenger who’s flown amateur planes?
DOING is the best form of thinking. You only need to get some of your
ducks in a row.
This is especially prevalent in class settings. Some students want to memorize their cheat sheets, not attempt to solve practice problems, and think they’ll be prepared to take the midterm.
Yes, it is scary to try something and risk sucking at it. You may feel “rejection” from whatever you failed at. You may get burned. You hesitate to emotionally invest in something that might burn you, and so you unknowingly self-sabotage instead by not starting at all.
Decide to bet on yourself. Telling yourself “I’ll start over next time” or “I’ll do it tomorrow” is like trash-talking yourself.
“If you want to learn to ride a bicycle, don’t watch a video; don’t read a book.”—Seth Godin on his Akimbo podcasts
Action: If you’re not making the progress you want, try to consume less and produce more. You have enough information.
5) Quantity leads to quality
Is quality more important than quantity? Is quantity more important than quality?
This depends on the situation.
If you’re trying to pick a computer to use long term, you don’t want to skimp on the essentials or even the looks. You don’t want to buy the cheapest one and expect to go through the hassle of replacing it every year. You want to think about the quality carefully.
If you want to find a good idea, brainstorming to generate lots of draft ideas forces your brain to squeeze out the possibilities. A nugget of gold may shine through the puddle.
What about hiring or dating? A resume or profile doesn’t really tell you whether you’re going to hire or get into a relationship with that person. Rather, you’ll conduct interviews or dates with multiple candidates to flesh out the surface impression. Maybe you find someone you like right away, and the search is over. Be open to but don’t force quantity in that case.
(Extra: The secretary problem explains the mathematically optimal candidate to select out of a finite group. This thought experiment may have narrower parameters than our everyday lives, but it’s clear that it’s helpful to have multiple candidates and to choose eventually (or not).)
Did you write the best article in the world, but it didn’t go viral?
After 51 failed games, Rovio created the sensational mega-hit game series Angry Birds.
Upworthy’s guideline to “write 25 headlines” generates viral articles:
That’s a lot of games and headlines. The price of a yes is multiple no’s.
Action: Keep doing what you do best. Find quality from actually interacting with quantity (see also point 4).
Humans are terrible predictors of the future. You just can’t predict with certainty what will end up being quality.
Bonus: Happiness leads to freedom
I thought freedom would give me happiness. Freedom may give me the opportunity to pursue happiness, but could it be the other way around?
What to do if you’re feeling stuck in life
No need to panic. Before you get frazzled and overwhelmed with despair, question: Are you putting the cart before the horse? Is the tail wagging the dog?
Order matters. Considering these counterintuitive reverse orders will help you get unstuck and surpass your peers in aspects that are important to you.
These may appear to be strange and different ideas, but they’re worth trying to apply to your life, whether you want to get unstuck from your rut or push it even higher (“10x your life” as they say in the clickbait industry).